Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
