Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
