how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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