was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is my gift to your gina
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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