she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
