ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
