Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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