You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
