Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
