he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want nice things and good sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
