Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
