Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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