Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
