You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
