i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
