I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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