oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
