I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
