ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Bring me that man meat
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
