I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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