Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
