with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
