um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
