We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
