I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
