he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize