you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
