to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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