Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
