theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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