He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
