you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
