no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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40s are totally the cure
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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