and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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