Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize