Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
