you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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