it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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