This girl is more easily done than said...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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