My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
