"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
