Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
