o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize