Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Dignity is for republicans.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
