Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
