OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
