so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
