I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
