I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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