So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
