is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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