Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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