Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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