I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
