It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
