Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize