You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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