I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
