My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
