Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
