Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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