ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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