Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
