Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
